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The First Web 2.0 Burger Joint and 30 Menu Suggestions
by Allen Stern on August 21st, 2007
Update: Check out all of your burger menu additions!
So today I am in a taxi in NYC and we are at a red light when I see the best name for a burger joint ever: brgr. It's totally Web 2.0! Remember the days before the Internet when every pest control company was named: AAAAAAAA Pest Control? It seems Web 2.0 names have invaded offline today as well! If you are interested, Gothamist has a review of the burger joint. I went into brgr and made some suggestions for additions to their menu that follow the Web 2.0 theme. I thought you might be interested in them as well so here goes:
- The Mashable: Comes with 49 types of cheese, 16 sauces, 32 packets of salt and 9 varieties of beef.
- The Calacanis: It's a simple burger, there are no fixins and you will not comment to the staff about the quality.
- The Twitter: Small beef burger which may or may not arrive at your table but if it does, everyone will know you are eating it.
- The Facebook: Burger comes without anything on it, you add whatever you like later on.
- The Scoble: Burger comes with free video explaining how the burger was made, what's on the burger and a free Seagate burger manager.
- The Digg: Twenty burgers are served tableside. Whichever burger receives the most amount of votes from the other guests is the burger which you shall eat. Some burgers will appear better than others.
- The Skype: Burger will be missing one of the items you requested; the establishment will blame the store down the street for not including the missing item.
- The Microsoft: It's not sure what type of burger it wants to be.
- The Apple: The most beautiful burger ever.
- The AT&T: Will be served with a side of 400 potatoes in a box even though you asked for no potatoes.
- The Google: Upon purchasing The Google, all other burgers currently on order will be acquired by The Google.
- The Zune: Probably tastes good but looks like crap.
- The Revision3: Order this burger and get a coupon for a free The Digg burger to be used on your next visit.
- The WebbAlert: This burger may be closer than it appears.
- The MizPee: A directory of nearby toilets will be provided in case said burger does not agree with one's self.
- The Ustream: You will watch another person eat a burger live.
- The YouTube: You will watch yourself eat the same burger 1 million times.
- The Pownce: See The Twitter burger
- The SecondLife: You won't feel full after eating this burger.
- The Read/WriteWeb: The smartest burger on the menu.
- The GoDaddy: This burger comes with a variety of large-breasted women all of whom have nothing to do with burgers but don't they look good?
- The Mahalo: The burger won't be fully cooked but it will come with a how-to on how to properly eat a burger.
- The Valleywag: The staff won't check the ingredients for this burger, they just use whatever they are sent.
- The Real: Comes with a string that once eaten, will follow behind you everywhere you go. No matter how hard you try, you can't remove the string.
- The Crazy Egg: This burger will come with a heatmap showing how others ate the burger before you.
- The Ryan Carson: The most organised, perfectly formed burger on the menu.
- The Popurls: This burger will take pieces from the other burgers to make its own.
- The Original Signal: Similar to the Popurls burger.
- The Clicky: After you eat the burger, stats will be provided on fat consumption, miles to run to burn off burger, where the burger meat came from, and to what extent others may have eaten the same burger.
- The Lending Club: If you can't afford this burger, they will help you get a loan to pay for the burger.
So what burgers would you add to their menu?
I had the misfortune of eating at Brgr when I was in NY. You can see my review of it on Yelp. But if you like small amount of meat, lots of cheese, and a microscopic amount of avocado (when you add it to the brgr) then go and enjoy. Plus the fries were way too greasy for an organic place.
The RSS burger…you get a picture of each new burger that come out from any restaurant you want.
Apple burger: Beautiful, but not compatible with 25% of available condiments.
Burger and price change every day. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. You can always count on it having something on it you don’t need but others insist on having.
The Blogger Burger: We will whine and moan while making your burger, then we’ll serve it to other people at the resturant to tell you what they think of it.
wiki burger: you order it and a bunch or nerds decide if your burger is worthy enough to be sold there, or even exist.
The Del.icio.us – Digg leftovers from yesterday and even last week are pressed into burger form.
The Minti – Always served at the tables next to the kids’ play area. Comes with a stack of extra napkins.
The LinkedIn – Loads of onions and garlic. You sit at a table full of old colleagues you never liked, anyway.
The Flickr – Requires the use of picture menus, laced with information on the make and model of cameras used in its making.
The Pandora – Filled with puffed rice to amplify the sound of your chewing. May be removed from menu if the RIAA has its way.
The Technorati – Has paper tags hanging from every nook and cranny, most of which are not used by anyone.
A seemingly ordinary burger that looks very delicious. However, every time you bite into the burger a waiter/waitress comes up claiming that you need another side with your burger.
Apple burger should have been:
The iBurger is the most beautiful burger you’ve ever seen, although it tastes the same as the others. Served on a shiny glass plate, which true believers will keep forever because it was as beautiful as the burger.
Digg burger:
You order your burger, then hundreds of people vote on whether they’d like to eat your buger. Then they yell inane things at you while you eat it.
Flickr burger:
You don’t get to eat any burgers, you just get photos of the burgers your friends ate last week.
The 4chan burger:
Oh, this doesn’t taste so bad… wait a sec… OH GOD NO
While you are waiting for this delicious burger to be served, the waiter comes to your table every minute or two with an update on its progress.
Kotaku burger: it’s a pretty normal burger, but somedays they have a sale and it’s bigger and tastier than the others, but the staff still give it to you in a sarcastic voice.
7chan burger:
why does this burger look like haruhi? and why does it taste even worse than the 4chan one?
The overall burger is mediocre at best, with a little bit of everything, but the tomatoes are succulent, juicy, and you swear you can unnecessarily taste every seed.
A burger that will never disagree with the manager, but leaves it’s condiment drive open and the Digg Burger exploits it’s mistake to the fullest extent.
You pick a selection of 5-10 burgers from the menu, you pull them apart and take the best out of each. Ingredients you don’t use miraculously vanish.
By the time you finish mashing it up, you won’t know how to eat what’s on your plate, so it’s highly recommended to order the JSON or RSS burger on the side.
*If this still sounds a bit hazy, ask our friendly staff about the limited time only free show-and-tell session with the Mario Brothers.
My burgers:
The Wikipedia Burger: Before this burger arrives, anyone is free to mess it up, add more lettuce, and spit on it.
The Revver Burger: You don’t pay the resteraunt, they pay you to eat the burger. But no one is allowed to say what they think of the burger.
The Reddit Burger: Sort of like the Digg burger, but you can’t eat it because it copied Digg and copiers are bad.
The Answerbag burger: The people at the counter keep asking you “would you like this” and it never ends.
The Flickr Burger: It looks perfect and beatiful (almost as much as the apple burger) but then it’s so oddly-shaped and confusing to eat…
The Yahoo! Burger: It belongs at Burger Joint 1.0. Not 2.0, but 1.0.
This burger will be designed to fit the average tastes of the entire english speaking world, but it may change slightly by the time you share a bite with your friend.
the bbc.co.uk burger :: The biggest burger you will ever find and its completely free
37 Signals Burger :: comes in 4 flavors, you can take a bite of each burger for free but if you want the whole burger you have to pay
Techcrunch burger :: The burger that all the other burgers want to get on
Amazon burger :: takes 48 hours to turn up but if you buy ten postage is free
Amazon web services burger :: the never ending burger, just pay for what you eat
The Leo Laporte :: comes in a new flavor each day of the week
The podtech.net burger :: get it while you can :P
are you.
Excellent post, I am spoilt for choice!
IPOD BURGER:
Everything you buy a burger, the next one looks juicier with more condiments in it. Although you’re full, you still want another one. WTF!
The burger comes with an armload of literature telling you how to eat the burger, and still get the shitload of other stuff your boss wants you to do done. Oh, and it’s delivered by a guy named Merlin.
You get a menu of a bunch of really interesting burgers. Some are sooo good that you can almost taste them and for some reason, you have to have one…But then you find out that the burger isn’t invented yet. When it is invented, you will only be able to eat it in Japan, and you suddenly realize that you don’t have any idea what restaurant the menu is for at all.
I’m sorry but we’ve patented the burger (though some claim that prior burgers existed).
Please stop selling burgers or we will be forced to get your landlord to take your space away.
We will then sue you and your family (including those who don’t sell burgers).
You will be helpless, we will win.
McRIAA (ha,ha your burger has been pnwed by us)
You don’t actually get a burger, but instead, a list of instructions on how someone else actually made a burger out of parts of the table you are sitting at.
In all honesty, one out of every 3 Digg burgers would say “Vote for Ron Paul” on it… but with no trimmings to back it up :P
Sorry, you messed up with your description of the Digg burger. It should actually be this:
20 burgers are lined up, but since one of them has been put on the table by somebody with connections to the other voters, you are served this burger (regardless of the fact that some of the other burgers actually taste better, and that this burger is just a copy of another burger somebody previously put on the table).
Though it’s the first burger on the menu, it’s the last one you’ll want to eat. If you do order it, however, it will only tell you about all the other more flavorful burgers you could’ve ordered instead.
The Truemors burger got a lot of attention when it was added to the menu back in May, but a lot of people have already forgotten about it after discovering that it isn’t actually made of anything very interesting.
The WordPress burger: your burger comes with someone’s stupid opinion embroiled on the patty.
The CollegeHumor Burger: watch someone take a dump on your burger! then make some unsuspecting friend watch it!
The MediaTemple burger: the most expensive burger there, but you feel that much safer eating it. Don’t think its worth the price? then eat the DreamHost Burger.
The DreamHost burger: not as pretty as the MediaTemple burger, but just as filling and at half the price :) (note: you cannot restart your DreamHost burger)
brilliant! I only missed two:
The Wiki Burger: ….
The CenterNetworks burger
:)
Hear whispers of an invite-only burger at the next table, order said burger, wait with insufferable anticipation for burger to arrive and then throw burger away when it finally lands on your table (12 weeks later, shaped like an artichoke, tasting like liquorice and smelling like sh*t).
The Rails burger: comes with a kit to make a burger in 20 seconds… it will be ok if you eat it alone, but if more than one person tries to eat it at the same time it will fall apart
I’ll have the Del.icio.us Digg, hold the GMail, with a side order of Flickr and Youtube on the side. Oh and with extra Facebook, but no myspace please. And no I don’t want reddit with that.
The Buzz Out Loud Burger: it will came upside down and with a rant write with catchup, but the taste is so good that you don’t flip it over to eat it.
The TwiT burger: At each bite of the burger, you will hear ‘devorak dot org slash blog’ from inside it.
The StumblueUpon: You get a bunch of burgers but you have to keep voting thumbs up or thumbs down if you want the next or not.
The ThotMarket:
Its similar to the digg and reddit burgers, except people are less likely to vote for the crappy stuff since they have to pay money place votes, however there is always one smartass in the restaurant who will cause explosive inflation so when it comes to eating the burger you can no longer afford it.
The Tumblr:
This a like a large Twittr, except that rather then everyone knowing that you’ve eaten it, there is a high probability the nobody will ever know or care:: Best served in a dark room, with no windows or doors; or under your stairs with the lights out.
The Pournelle Burger: You order it and wait for it to arrive at your table, and when you ask the waiter what’s taking so long, he’ll tell you that it’s coming Real Soon Now.
The G4 Burger: Served by a couple of sexy young brunettes dressed like cosplay characters.
You are randomly given a burger based on what your friends ordered and how much the liked it
You have a mistake up there…
The Facebook: Burger comes without anything on it, you add whatever CRAPY you DON’T NEED later on.
…And the employees keep coming up to you, asking, “Do you want the pickles? Your friend got the pickles. They like the pickles, and they think that YOU’LL like the pickles, too.”
Very funny read, I agree with Jim, bring on the Wiki burger.
Before you eat the burger, everyone in the restaurant has the right to add whatever condiments they want using their bare hands